Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
