I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How's work?
Spinning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
