So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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