The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
