I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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