its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
