i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
