A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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