but the lizard people decide everything anyway
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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