maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
