Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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