my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
