he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
