and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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