Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
