hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
