i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
