margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
