Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
