1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
