yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
