Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
