Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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