U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
