i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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