And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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