Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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