u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
