Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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