just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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