I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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