Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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