i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
