What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
