do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
