I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
