Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
