thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
