had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
