i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
