her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he thought i was a dude.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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