ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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