hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
