I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
