I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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