He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
