if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
