omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
