He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
