she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
