I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
