can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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