dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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