Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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