I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
