im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
