I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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