That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
